Writing

Pacing Problems and Hidden Repetition

It has been a long time since I’ve written about writing. I’ve been so busy doing the actual writing, that I haven’t thought about much else. This past weekend I’ve been thinking about Pacing.

Pacing can be a tricky thing. You think you’re moving along at 25 mph, when you’re actually only going 6. Usually, you don’t even notice until someone points it out with feedback like this:

“Pacing’s off.”

“This feels slow.”

“This feels rushed.”

“Something’s off, but I can’t pinpoint the problem.”

Maybe you haven’t gotten such comments, but I sure have. And it can be frustrating feedback because it’s not always clear how to fix it. Especially when you feel like you are only giving your readers the information they need.

Recently, I was revising a middle grade book, and one of my big concerns was cutting back the word count. It was long for a middle grade, but it was an intricate, complicated plot, so finding places to cut proved difficult.

Luckily I had the help of some amazing CPs (critique partners) and my agent, but as I worked through their suggestions, I discovered that Hidden Repetition was the the reason behind probably 95% of what I cut. Okay, that number is completely non-scientific, but you get the idea.

So what is Hidden Repetition, you ask? Let me tell you!

Hidden Repetition is when an idea is repeated using different words. 

As humans, we do this all the time. It’s so imbedded into the way we think, it’s not surprising that it creeps into our writing as well. Think of a few common expressions:

“Safe and sound.”

“Plain and simple.”

“Slip and slide.”

But it’s not just about overused synonyms. Hidden Repetition can be found at all levels of writing. At the word level (as shown above), at the phrase level, and at the scene level.

Paragraph Level

To find Hidden Repetition at paragraph level, you have to take a closer look at your writing to find the problem. For example, here’s a paragraph from my own work:

Exactly what you’d expect from the Wintertons. They were rich. They had money to waste on such things.

Looking at actual words, there isn’t much repetition. Only the intended emphasis on “They.” But those last two sentences express the same idea. Better to choose the sentence that says more.

Exactly what you’d expect from the Wintertons. They were rich. They had money to waste on such things.

Yes, there is such as thing as nuance, and truthfully, that double emphasis might be fine . . . but when you compound many such repetitions, it adds up and slows the pace. Consider another example:

The rain roared in my ears, and I shivered. All I wanted was to leave. “Please can we go?”

The rain roared in my ears, and I shivered. All I wanted was to leave. “Please can we go?”

Scene level

At the scene level, the question we have to ask ourselves is whether or not the scene is giving new and necessary information to our readers. The writing may be good. It may be giving our readers information about our characters, but is it new? And is it necessary? Let me share an example to show you what I mean:

In the school, signs pointed audience members one direction and contestants another. We followed the signs down the trophy hall. The Region Soccer trophy that Gordon had helped win stood front and center with a light shining down on it. Behind it was a picture of the team. The state Mathletes trophy was in the corner behind some smaller trophies. And there was certainly no picture of our team. 

Would we have been front and center if Jennifer hadn’t ditched? I couldn’t imagine the Wintertons accepting anything less. But I was just a lowly scholarship student. And Mathletes wasn’t soccer. 

At the end of a hallway, a sharp-dressed woman about Mom’s age stood behind the check-in table. 

In the school, signs pointed audience members one direction and contestants another. We followed the signs down to the end of the trophy hall The Region Soccer trophy that Gordon had helped win stood front and center with a light shining down on it. Behind it was a picture of the team. The state Mathletes trophy was in the corner behind some smaller trophies. And there was certainly no picture of our team. 

Would we have been front and center if Jennifer hadn’t ditched? I couldn’t imagine the Wintertons accepting anything less. But I was just a lowly scholarship student. And Mathletes wasn’t soccer. 

At the end of a hallway, where a sharp-dressed woman about Mom’s age stood behind the check-in table. 

I got them where they needed to be without the little side trip. Again, I didn’t cut it because of bad writing, but because it wasn’t serving my story. It doesn’t matter how well-written a scene may be, if it’s not serving the story, it is slowing the pace and preventing your readers from getting the information they need.

Though I used a short scene, the same principles apply to longer scenes. Sometimes, you may end up cutting a whole chapter or more. I’ve done it. And my stories have been the better for it.

Though I don’t have time to tell you about all the places and ways Hidden Repetition can sneak into your writing (for example, sometimes a whole character can be hidden repetition!), hopefully this discussion has been helpful! I was honestly surprised to find out just how much there was in my writing. Once it was cleared, the story flowed better and the pacing was no longer an issue.

Let me know if you have questions, or if there’s another topic you’d like me to discuss.

*I feel compelled to mention that there is a place for telling in your writing. This rule should not be taken as gospel 100% of the time. Perhaps I’ll do a post on this in the future.

P.S. If you haven’t checked out my 5 anticipated MG reads, check it out HERE!

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Author Interview: Cindy Williams Schrauben

Good morning! Today I am thrilled to have debut author Cindy Williams Schrauben here on my blog. I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy of her book THIS COULD BE YOU (April 1, Cardinal Rule Press), illustrated by Julia Seal. I loved it so much, I reached out to the publisher to hook us up.

Cindy graciously agreed to an interview, and here we are! It was such a joy to get to know her better, and I’m excited for all of you to meet her as well. Also, you can read my review HERE. So enough of my jabbering, let’s meet Cindy! (As always, I’m in green.)

Hi Cindy, welcome to my blog!

Hi! Thanks so much for having me. I’m thrilled to be here.

Can you tell us a little about yourself and how you came to write children’s books?

As a mom, grandmother, and former teacher, books have always played a big part in my life.  My favorite memories involve kids in my lap reading. Though I have always enjoyed writing, and dreamed of writing a picture book, It wasn’t until my daughters moved out that I took it seriously – I knew I needed my own passion. I attended the NYC-SCBWI Conference early on and the energy and kindness of the kidlit community had me hooked right away.

Conferences are the best. The energy is amazing! Please tell us about your upcoming book, THIS COULD BE YOU.

Unlike many of my books, This Could Be You started out with an intentional message and goal – to inspire kids to believe and achieve by empowering them with growth mindset principles. I set out to create a book in which all kids could see themselves persevering. Each spread stars a different group of children living out their dreams – and, sometimes, struggling along the way.  Being able to learn from our failures is a crucial part of a growth mindset.

I completely agree. We all go through failure, but it doesn’t define us. Kids need to see that! Your book creates such a hopeful feeling for your readers. What inspired you to write it?

My grandsons and the realization that I didn’t always encourage a growth mindset in my girls when they were young. Well-meaning comments like, “you are so smart” and “math is just easy for you” can have unintentional negative connotations. Instead, statements like, “Wow, you really worked hard for that” help them to realize that it is ok if something is hard because effort will help us get there. Our talents and skills are malleable. I hope that this book, which features extensive backmatter for adults, will help us all use more intentional language with our kids.

Such great advice! I’ve been working on that as well with my kids. And so much great back matter!

Speaking of work, your rhymes and rhythms are just plain fun to read. Writing in rhyme feels so daunting to me (I clearly need your book to build up my growth mindset!). Your stanzas all sound so perfect, they feel like it must have come out that way, but I’m sure you worked hard at it! Could you share a little bit about your revision process?

Every story in my head comes out in rhyme first – I often realize that rhyme isn’t right for a story, but for this one, I think it works. That isn’t to say that it was perfect (or even good) at the beginning. Rhyming requires a great deal of assessing and maneuvering. I often read out loud while tapping out beats like a conductor (I have to be careful who’s watching my loony antics). That is part of what I love about it, though – it’s like a puzzle.

Love that! I’m sure all us writers look a little loony when in the zone. And so fascinating that you start in rhyme. So, my favorite stanza was, of course, the one about writing. Do you have a favorite stanza? What do you love about it?

Fun fact #1 – the illustrator used a childhood photo of me to draw the young author on that page.

Really??! That is so cool! *runs off to find that page*

Picking my favorite is tough, but I think it is this:

 Who has keen-design flair,

an artist’s time-to-shine flair,

a sketch-and-then-refine flair?

Create. It could be you!

 Why? It shows a character who tries and fails, but doesn’t give up.

The refinement part is key to success. Such a great stanza.

Moving on to the art . . . it’s so expressive! Julia Seal, the illustrator, did an amazing job! I love the simplicity of the kids, and how well it captures their emotions. Did you have any input on the art or illustrator? What was your reaction at seeing the art? (so many questions!)

I cried! It’s as if Julie Seal was in my head when she created the illustrations. The diversity, the color, everything. I didn’t have any input into the process at all, which was terrifying, but I couldn’t be more pleased.

It IS a terrifying process, but illustrators can do magic. And seeing your characters brought-to-life is a magical moment.

Fun fact #2 – I LOVE the endpapers. My illustrator deserves all the credit for this – she proposed that we ask children we know (along with some winners of a contest) to draw pictures of their dream jobs. Those Jr. Illustrators include my grandsons, nieces, nephews, etc. They loved being a part of it.

I LOVED the endpapers! Brilliant idea from Julia. And so exciting for those kids!

Can we talk writing for a minute? How many picture books would you say you wrote before finally getting a deal on this one?

Oh boy. I couldn’t even begin to guess how many unfinished stories I have, but as far as completed, ready to submit stories, close to 20.

Wow. But it really shows you are living the message of THIS COULD BE YOU. What helped you the most on the path to publication?

The number one most important part of my journey has been the kidlit community – from critique partners to contest organizers and bloggers. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have kept going without them.

So much truth. The kidlit community is so uplifting. 💜

Now on to the speed round of favorites!

 Ice cream: Vanilla with lots of chocolate, caramel, and nuts. But, I don’t think there is a flavor I would pass up. Ice cream is my weakness.

Color: Coral

Time of day: Late at night

Sport: Baseball

Musical instrument: Piano

Animal: Dogs

Word: Grow

Picture Book (that you didn’t write): Three Ninja Pigs by Corey Rosen Schwartz and illustrated by Dan Santat

I love how much we can learn from one-word answers. Love it all! (And Three Ninja Pigs is a favorite of mine, too!)

One last question. I have a fascination for personalized license plates. What do you think your characters might choose for their personalized license plate? You have 8 characters. Go!

 YesICan

 So perfect! Thanks so much again!

Thank you! This has been lots of fun.

~~~

Cindy Williams Schrauben lives in Michigan where she writes books for kids that range from the truly serious to the seriously silly. Before embarking on this path, she held positions as a preschool administrator, teacher, and assistant director of a children’s museum — always striving to empower kids. When not writing or honing her craft, Cindy might be found dissecting her grandsons’ shenanigans for story ideas, reading on the floor in the bookstore, or eating ice cream… ideally all at once.

You can connect with Cindy at her website or her Direct Me page, and she’s also on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

You can purchase THIS COULD BE YOU through Monkey See, Monkey Do books, or wherever books are sold.

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Author Interview:Claire Annette Noland

Wow, it’s been a while since I posted an author interview, but I have some great ones coming up this month to make up for it!

First up is Claire Annette Noland. We met through our debut author group, The Debut Crew. She is one of our fearless leaders, and I’ve been so happy to get to know her even better through this interview.

Her debut picture book, Evie’s Field Day, illustrated by Alicia Teba, comes out on May 1st. It’s a fun one, and you can find my review HERE.

But let’s get to it! As always, my comments are in green:

Hi Claire, welcome to my blog! Can you tell us a little about yourself and how you came to write children’s books?

I’ve always been a reader. I became a writer in high school when I took a creative writing class and realized kid lit was my happy place. I decided I wanted a career focused on children and books and I’ve been able to do that as a bookseller, children’s librarian,  reading specialist, kindergarten teacher, mom to four children, and now author!

Wow, your list of jobs is like my dream list! Kid lit is my happy place, too. Can you please tell us about your upcoming book?

Evie’s Field Day is about a girl who loves to win and looks  forward to getting more ribbons at the annual field day. Unfortunately, things don’t work out as planned and Evie is not a very good loser. When she is finally ahead, she is faced with a decision. Should she race ahead and win or make a choice to stop and be a friend.

Field days are the best! But I totally get how Evie feels. It’s easy to get caught up in winning. What inspired you to write this story?

No one likes to lose but it is a fact of life. We can’t always win. As a child, I never seemed to win anything but games of chance, like BINGO. As a mom and teacher, I saw how frustrated and upset children can get when they lose. I want to encourage children to enjoy the game, focus on doing their best, and on being a good friend and teammate. I hope Evie’s Field Day will be help children to be good sports.

It’s a good lesson to learn young. Still, I love how spunky Evie is as a character. She reminded me of myself when I was a kid. I loved winning! Did you base her off of anyone you know?

Actually, she is a combination of my four children who each struggled with competitors and learned many valuable lessons in the process.

I love that! Kids are the best inspiration. And I also loved all the fun field day games in your book. How did you choose them? Did it require research?

Field Day is always one of the most anticipated days in the school year and the games included in the book are student favorites. I had many to choose from!

I guess it helps when you’ve been a teacher for a few years! The suggestions on teaching good sportsmanship in the back matter are great! Was that part of the initial drafts or your submission package or did it come later? How did you develop that?

Cardinal Rule Press has a very clear vision for the books they publish. They want realistic stories about children and the issues they face. They want to empower children as well as encourage parents and teachers. Each of their books have suggestions and activities that support the topic.

The back matter was developed after the contract was signed. I read many articles on sportsmanship and talked to coaches. I also included techniques that I personally developed as a teacher and parent.

Fascinating to see how the process works for different publishers. 

So let’s talk about the art. I love how the illustrator, Alicia Teba, uses color to really spotlight the kids in the story and bring focus to the action. Was this something you had discussed with your editor/art-director beforehand, or was it a fun surprise? What was your reaction on seeing it? 

I love the illustrations done by Alicia. The color palate was the brilliant idea of Maria Dismondy, publisher of Cardinal Rule Press. I was able to see the draft illustrations throughout the process and I am thrilled with each page. I especially love how Evie’s emotions are so clearly evident.

So clear! Now, I have to ask. The timeline is so long for picture books. You’ve been looking forward to release day for years now. How has COVID-19 affected your release day plans?

Evie’s Field Day was planned to launch in time for end of the school year activities. Unfortunately, things are turning out differently than planned because children are not at school. The book is being launched virtually and we are planning a big #AtHomeFieldDay on May 21st.

The field day will be celebrated on Instagram. Families can post pictures on Instagram with the hashtags #EviesFieldDay and #AtHomeFieldDay to be eligible for prizes. Here’s a blog post with some fun activity ideas: At Home Field Day- 10 ways to play, and here’s information from Cardinal Rule Press about the #AtHomeFieldDay contest.  I hope many families will join the fun!

Sounds super fun! What a great way to celebrate. 😊

Okay, one last question. I have a fascination for personalized license plates. What do you think Evie might choose for a personalized license plate? You have 8 characters. Go! 

PLAY4FUN!

Love it! Thank you so much for stopping by my blog, Claire, I loved learning more about you and your book. Wishing it a very successful launch!

And for the rest of you,  thanks so much for stopping in and reading! You can find all the links for following Claire on social media below, as well as links for where you can get your own copy of EVIE’S FIELD DAY! 

~~~

Claire Noland is the author of easy readers, board books, and picture books for young children. She knows that everyone who reads is a winner and as a children’s librarian, reading specialist, and author, her life’s goal is to excite kids about books and reading. She writes from her home in Central California.

You can follow her on Twitter, Goodreads, Facebook, and Instagram.

EVIE’S FIELD DAY is available now from Claire’s local indie book store, Petunia’s Place Books,  through bookshop, Amazon, B&N, and wherever books are sold.

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Book Trailer!

Summers are always so full. Kids out of school. Vacations. Running through the sprinklers. Backyard barbecues. Friends. Fun. . . . and then of course you have to add in the work stuff that adults never really get out of, but that’s not nearly as fun to talk about.

At the beginning of every summer, my husband and I sit down with our kids and write out a summer bucket list. We started several years ago when a friend of mine posted a picture of theirs on Facebook. That was all the incentive I needed. A list (Who doesn’t love those?)??? Fun things to do? A get-out-of-jail free card for when the kids are bored? I was SOLD.

Anyway, it’s been a favorite tradition ever since. This year, we had a BBQ with friends on our list. So last week, each child got to invite over one friend, and we barbecued hotdogs, ran through sprinklers, had epic video game battles, and yeah. Best. Day. Ever. (at least according to my kids)

And here is where I am finally leading you to the title of this whole thing. The day before, I had discovered the iMovies app on my phone, and their fill-in-the-blank movie trailer videos. And they had the perfect template for my book! So while the kids wore themselves out, I planned out all the scenes I would need.

I even made some COOL props. Like, I could have totally been a map-maker in another life, right? (heehee) And when I pulled out the lighter to burn the edges and make it look super cool and super old, all the kids gathered around and BEGGED to have a turn. But yeah. I’m not THAT cool of a mom. Even I have my limits. 😉 But I sure had fun.

So I borrowed one of the visiting kids (with permission from the mom) and used one of my own and I made this epic book trailer! Woot! Seriously, it was one of the funnest things I’ve done this summer (and I’ve done some FUN things!). I forgot how good it can feel to stretch your creative self with new and different activities.

Since it’s Friday, and Friday is all about having fun and exciting things to come, I thought it was the perfect day to present you with my homemade book trailer extraordinaire for THE LAST GREAT ADVENTURE OF THE PB&J SOCIETY!!

Hope you enjoyed it! And now, please tell me about your Epic Summer Adventures in the comments (because we need more ideas for next years list). 😉

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The Sledding Hill

“Come sledding,” they said.

“You HAVE to try this hill at least once!” he said.

I watched my boys slide down the hill one by one. Screaming when the sled didn’t go where they wanted. Scrabbling to pull themselves back on course before the inevitable . . . WHOOSH . . . disappearing down the cliff face.

They pushed the sled into my hands. “Your turn.”

“I don’t know about this,” I said. But I sat on it anyway. I stared down the sledding path a long time before my sons got tired of waiting and helped me along with a big push.

“You’re welcome!” they called as I screamed down the hill and scrabbled to get back on course.

And then WHOOSH! I was speeding down a cliff face and hurtling towards the road, and then it was over. I came to a stop and all that remained was to hike back up.

“Ready to go again?” They grinned. It wasn’t really a question.

But I didn’t. I watched them sliding and screaming and hurtling down the cliff. I snapped picture after picture. And I was content.

Because sometimes, it’s okay to leave the crazy to others.

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My Year in Review

Happy New Year!

With all the Christmas rush, I have been absentee the last couple of weeks, but I didn’t want to miss again. Because this is the time of year where I hold myself accountable for the goals I set at the beginning of last year. And if I don’t hold myself accountable, who will?

So here we go. My goals from last year and my assessment:

1. Write 5 days a week.
I started out well with this, then wow. A big fail on this goal. BUT, if you consider all the non-book-writing things I wrote, perhaps I didn’t do so terribly. That said, I hope to do better this coming year. But I realize that for me, this type of goal will always be a fail, because I hate being tied down. I do much better when I assign myself a project to accomplish, as you’ll see in the next goal . . .

One page of my crazy edits

3. Finish a first draft of a new book.
Okay. Total fail. I just started yesterday. But in my defense, I didn’t expect the majorness of the revisions for WIP #2. Plus I wrote a bonus story for PB&J SOCIETY (hoping you will all love it!), and a bunch of other PB&J-related things. The next book just didn’t happen. However, it is STARTED, so finishing the first draft at the very least is this year’s goal.

4. Write at least two picture books.
Sigh. Nope. I did take a PB class, but I was so busy, I mostly skimmed through it. Turns out that when you have a book contract (which I didn’t have when I made these goals), you suddenly become much busier. While I would like to do this again, I realize debut year will be full of too many other things.

5. Attend at least one writing conference.
And Hooray!! Another accomplished goal! I will definitely be keeping this goal. I am attending LDStorymakers again as an attendee (my husband will be presenting!), and I will be presenting at the MD/DE/WV SCBWI conference in April. So check and check! It really is good to plan a goal that you have already facilitated the accomplishment of.

And there you have it. Not a great showing, to be sure. However, life sometimes mixes things up for you. It is somewhat surreal to realize that last year at this time, I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea I was on the verge of signing my first book contract . . . which changed the course of my whole year.

So while I didn’t accomplish all the specific goals I set for myself, I DID accomplish some pretty major things. And I am a firm believer in being flexible. Yes, I could have killed myself to accomplish every one of these goals above, but I feel pretty proud of all I accomplished this past year.

Now it’s your turn. Please tell me what you accomplished this past year so I can celebrate with you! 🙂

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