This past weekend, I took my family on a mini-vacation. Okay. I thought it would be a vacation, but that’s not exactly how it turned out. Here’s a summary of what took place:
8:00 AM
Pack, pack, pack.
Remember email I forgot to send.
Write email . . . Oh, look at the pretty Twitter . . .
11:00 AM
Drag myself away from the computer.
ME: “Shoes on everyone! Go to the bathroom! Move! Move! Move!”
CHILD: “But I don’t have to go to the bathroom! I WON’T GO TO THE BATHROOM!”
ME: “Just do it! . . .” Blah, blah, blah, channeling my parents, etc.
Buckle all kids in the car.
ME: “Wait! I forgot the camera, let me just run in and grab it.” Oh, dishes in the sink . . . can’t leave dirty dishes . . .
12:00 PM
Drive off.
12:10 PM
CHILD: How long have we been driving now?
12:11 PM
CHILD: How long have we been driving now?
12:11:30 PM
CHILD: How long have we been driving now?
ME: ASK THAT QUESTION ONE MORE TIME AND I’LL TURN OFF THE MOVIE!!!
1:00 PM
CHILD: “I have to go to the bathroom, and I can’t wait!”
Grumble, grumble, lecture.
1:05 PM
Stop at gas station. Make sure EVERYONE goes to the bathroom.
1:30 PM
3rd CHILD: “I have to go poopy!”
Sigh.
4:30 PM
Pull in to Hotel parking lot.
HUSBAND: “This is where we’re staying?
4:45 PM
CHILDREN: “I’m bored! Can we turn on the TV?”
“No!”
Game of tag begins over bed, through bathroom, under my feet.
Uncontrolled laughter.
High-pitched screeching.
4:50 PM
Turn on the television.
9:30 PM
Climb into bed.
10:00 PM
THUMP!
Climb out of bed, put 2nd child back in bed.
Get back in bed.
10:15 PM
THUMP! THUMP!
Climb out of bed, put 2 children back in bed.
10:30 PM
THUMP!
2nd child gets back in bed on his own. On the wrong side.
Lays back . . . THUMP . . .
2nd CHILD: “Owww!”
Climb out of bed, put child back in bed.
11:00 PM
3rd child climbs into our bed.
11:30 PM
Wake up to an elbow in the head.
12:00 AM
Wake up to find child sleeping on husband’s head.
3:31 AM
Stare at clock and wonder why I can’t sleep!
3:32 AM
Feel springs poking me and remember why.
3:33 AM
Decide there is no way we are staying the second night.
6:30 AM
CHILD: “WAKE UP! IT’S MORNING TIME!”
Breakfast.
Park
Lunch.
2:00 PM
Decide to try local amusement park before getting an early start home.
Purchase tickets online. Non-refundable.
Pull onto road for the 2 minute drive and discover that everyone else in the whole town made the same decision.
“I’m bored!”
“I’m bored!”
“This is no fun!”
4:30 PM
Arrive at amusement park.
Fight through crowds.
Ride rides.
7:00 PM
Christmas parade
8:00 PM
Get in line for bus back to parking lot
9:00 PM
Arrive in parking lot.
Drive home
10:30 PM
Stop for gas. Potty break.
11:00 PM
Pull over to side of road for potty break.
11:30 PM
“Help! Dad, help! My stomach hurts!”
Pass back a plastic bag.
12:30 AM
Arrive home, send kids up to bed.
12:31 AM
Go inside.
ME: “What is that awful smell?”
12:32 AM
Head upstairs. Discover trail of puke up stairs toward my room.
1:00 AM
Finish cleaning puke. Vow to buy a carpet cleaner.
Vow to reconsider next vacation.
Tuck children into bed.
2nd CHILD: “Mom, this was the best day ever.”
Vow to reconsider reconsidering next vacation.
So how was your weekend?