Janet Sumner Johnson
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A Day in the Life: Weekend Vacation

Dec

03, 2012 |

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This past weekend, I took my family on a mini-vacation. Okay. I thought it would be a vacation, but that’s not exactly how it turned out. Here’s a summary of what took place:

8:00 AM

Pack, pack, pack.

Remember email I forgot to send.

Write email . . . Oh, look at the pretty Twitter . . .

11:00 AM

Drag myself away from the computer.

ME: “Shoes on everyone! Go to the bathroom! Move! Move! Move!”

CHILD: “But I don’t have to go to the bathroom! I WON’T GO TO THE BATHROOM!”

ME: “Just do it! . . .” Blah, blah, blah, channeling my parents, etc.

Buckle all kids in the car.

ME: “Wait! I forgot the camera, let me just run in and grab it.” Oh, dishes in the sink . . . can’t leave dirty dishes . . .

12:00 PM

Drive off.

12:10 PM

CHILD: How long have we been driving now?

12:11 PM

CHILD: How long have we been driving now?

12:11:30 PM

CHILD: How long have we been driving now?

ME: ASK THAT QUESTION ONE MORE TIME AND I’LL TURN OFF THE MOVIE!!!

1:00 PM

CHILD: “I have to go to the bathroom, and I can’t wait!”

Grumble, grumble, lecture.

1:05 PM

Stop at gas station. Make sure EVERYONE goes to the bathroom.

1:30 PM

3rd CHILD: “I have to go poopy!”

Sigh.

4:30 PM

Pull in to Hotel parking lot.

HUSBAND: “This is where we’re staying?

4:45 PM

CHILDREN: “I’m bored! Can we turn on the TV?”

“No!”

Game of tag begins over bed, through bathroom, under my feet.

 Uncontrolled laughter.

High-pitched screeching.

4:50 PM

Turn on the television.

9:30 PM

Climb into bed.

10:00 PM

THUMP!

Climb out of bed, put 2nd child back in bed.

Get back in bed.

10:15 PM

THUMP! THUMP!

Climb out of bed, put 2 children back in bed.

10:30 PM

THUMP!

2nd child gets back in bed on his own. On the wrong side.

Lays back . . . THUMP . . .

2nd CHILD: “Owww!”

Climb out of bed, put child back in bed.

11:00 PM

3rd child climbs into our bed.

11:30 PM

Wake up to an elbow in the head.

12:00 AM

 Wake up to find child sleeping on husband’s head.

3:31 AM

Stare at clock and wonder why I can’t sleep!

3:32 AM

Feel springs poking me and remember why.

3:33 AM

Decide there is no way we are staying the second night.

6:30 AM

CHILD: “WAKE UP! IT’S MORNING TIME!”

Breakfast.

Park

Lunch.

2:00 PM

Decide to try local amusement park before getting an early start home.

Purchase tickets online. Non-refundable.

Pull onto road for the 2 minute drive and discover that everyone else in the whole town made the same decision.

“I’m bored!”

“I’m bored!”

“This is no fun!” 

4:30 PM

Arrive at amusement park.

Fight through crowds.

Ride rides.

7:00 PM

Christmas parade

8:00 PM 

Get in line for bus back to parking lot

9:00 PM

Arrive in parking lot.

Drive home

10:30 PM

Stop for gas. Potty break.

11:00 PM

Pull over to side of road for potty break.

11:30 PM

“Help! Dad, help! My stomach hurts!”

Pass back a plastic bag.

12:30 AM

Arrive home, send kids up to bed.

12:31 AM

Go inside.

ME: “What is that awful smell?”

12:32 AM

Head upstairs. Discover trail of puke up stairs toward my room.

1:00 AM

Finish cleaning puke. Vow to buy a carpet cleaner.

Vow to reconsider next vacation.

Tuck children into bed.

2nd CHILD: “Mom, this was the best day ever.”

Vow to reconsider reconsidering next vacation.

So how was your weekend?

Speak up:

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